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I’m too old for a hotel like this. It’s for people who love style over substance because it’s immediately obvious as soon as you walk through the door that they’re trying too hard to be cool. (That shows you how old I am – I’m still using a word like cool.)
Checking-in at the Andaz Hotel
They need to turn some lights on, for a start, because the reception area is darker than space. And where’s the reception desk? They haven’t even got one! They are too cool for that. Reception desks are what other hotels do – what you have to do at the Andaz is introduce yourself to one of the suits who are just standing around in the dark, who will then lead you over to an office desk with a laptop on it, and start punching in some numbers.
This is where it really started to go downhill for me because the very first thing he did was try to up-sell me to a better room. I’d just spent a bundle of money on a 5-star hotel room and the first words out of his mouth were that he had something ten times better. No thanks mate, I said.
Inside a room at the Andaz Hotel
Photo: londondrum.comIt’s the hotel equivalent of that Stealers Wheel song, because it spends too much time worrying about whether something looks cool and not enough time wondering if it’s actually any good. They give you pencils instead of pens. They give you Chinese news, Russian news and French news on the telly instead of Sky News. You get a tubular office chair instead of an armchair. You get peppermint tea and glutton-free crisps.
Photo: londondrum.comAnother thing that wound me up was the promise of a complimentary minibar. The guy downstairs made a big deal about the free minibar but when you look inside all you get is a tiny tin-can of Coke, some still water, and a lunchbox-size bottle of Tropicana orange juice. Anything alcoholic has to be purchased separately from room service.
There’s no iron or ironing board either – you have to order those from reception. But at least they give you some free Wi-Fi I suppose – some of the 5-star hotels I’ve stayed at make you pay for that.
Photo: londondrum.comNext problem: There’s no bath. I’ve got a shower and a sink but no bath, and bear in mind that this is supposed to be a 5-star hotel – every house in the country has got a bathtub in it. Maybe they’ve hidden it in the cupboard… let me go and have a look… nope. That’s where you’ll find a pair of slippers in an eco-bag and a dressing gown that looks like a karate costume. They also advertise the fact that their eco-friendly toilet uses 80% less water. Who honestly cares about that? When was the last time you booked into a hotel room because the toilet uses less water?
The Andaz bar and restaurant
They have a couple of restaurants and a couple of bars onsite. One of them looks like a traditional British pub, and the other one is a champagne bar with sofa seats and mood lighting.
Hotel location by Liverpool Street station
The only positive thing I’ll say is its location right next-door to Liverpool Street station, which is a very busy and lively part of London. But I’d rather stay at the Premier Inn in Leicester Square to be honest – and that’s the truth. Maybe you’ll like it better if you’re under thirty.
