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One of the downsides of staying in 5-star hotels is that you can’t just relax and have a walk around because you feel like you’re on show all the time. You have to shine your shoes and press your shirt and straighten your tie for breakfast, and I hate all of that nonsense. I don’t like people striking up a “how are you today, sir” conversation every time I get in the lift either. It’s all right if you’re trying to impress your partner but I’m not – it’s just me. (It’s always just me.) And that’s why I like this place – because it feels a bit more normal and homely and there’s no pressure to be posh. It’s a posh hotel for non-posh people.
Inside a room at the Piccadilly West End
Photo: Craig Cross
Photo: Craig CrossThe rooms are rather small but I don’t care because everything else is very nice. You get a big TV about the same size as a snooker table, a big bed that sinks in deeper than a swimming pool, and a Nespresso coffee machine with a tray full of capsules.
You also get a minibar full of drink so let’s have a look at the prices: £2.50 for a fun-size can of Coke, £5 for a tiny bottle of red or white wine, £5 for a tiny bottle of vodka, whiskey or rum, £6 quid for a tub of peanuts and another £3.50 for Pringles. So… yeah. There you go. It’s cheaper going down the pub.
Ensuite bathroom with a shower
Photo: Craig CrossThe bathroom is small but it’s got a toilet and a sink to brush my teeth – that’s all you need. And some soap. And some scales. And some towels and a flannel. What else can I find in here… a shower hat and a vanity pack. Would you like to know what you get inside a vanity pack? Me too! You get some eye patches, toothpicks, cotton buds and nail files.
Do you want to know how much I weigh? I may as well stand on the scales seeing as they’re here. This isn’t the usual kind of information that you get in a hotel review, is it? But what the hell… eleven stone and a little bit. That’s not too bad – I might go and have that tub of Pringles in the minibar now.
Breakfast in the hotel restaurant
Their restaurant is really just a breakfast room because it only has seven tables in it, but you get all the usual kind of stuff: sausage and beans, scrambled eggs and hash browns, a bowl full of cheeses and plates of sliced hams. Plus a load of cereal and toast.
Location halfway up Shaftesbury Avenue
The best thing about this hotel is definitely its location: halfway up Shaftesbury Avenue and about two minutes from Piccadilly Circus. You can walk to Leicester Square in five minutes, Trafalgar Square in ten minutes, and Big Ben in fifteen.
