If you want to watch some pomp and pageantry but don't like big crowds, or you've got a little kid with you who can't stand around for an hour without needing a wee, then how about this one -- you only need to give this one thirty minutes from start to finish so you can squeeze it in between some other attractions.
It takes place behind those horse boxes at Horse Guards (I don't mean the parade ground -- I mean that tiny little courtyard on the Whitehall side). This is the official entrance into the whole St. James's Palace/Buckingham Palace quarter and soldiers have been standing guard outside here since the days of Charles II.
Photo: londondrum.comKing's Life Guard and Blues & Royals
The actual barracks are long gone but the building is still the official headquarters of the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment and those horses you can see are from the King's Life Guard, drawn from one squadron of the Life Guards (red tunics and white plumed helmets) and one squadron of the Blues & Royals (blue tunics and red plumed helmets). We don't send horses off to war anymore so most of their time is spent doing ceremonial stuff, and I'm guessing that whoever draws the short straw has to stand outside here posing for photos with the tourists.
Photo: londondrum.comDo you remember when your mum caught you being naughty and threatened you with no TV for a week? Or no food for a month? (I had a very tough mum.) Well the Dismounting Ceremony is the military equivalent of that. 125 years ago Queen Victoria caught the entire Guard drinking when they were supposed to be on duty so she punished them with a daily inspection to make sure they were behaving themselves.
This was back in 1894 when every dress she had was black, every hat she had was black, and all of her moods were black as well -- nobody messed with her in those days. The 100-year punishment was supposed to have expired in 1994 but Queen Elizabeth II kindly decided that they'd have to carry on with it for all eternity. So let that be a lesson to you: no drinking on duty!.
Best place to stand to see the ceremony
The handy thing about this ceremony is that hardly any tourists seem to know about it so you can turn up quite late and still get a decent spot (that's why it's so good if you've got kids). I've arrived at 3.35 PM today and it's literally just a few pigeons, a few policemen and me. There's still a huge crowd of tourists taking photos of the horseboxes, of course (they'll be there all day), but they don't really bother with the courtyard.
Photo: londondrum.comWhen you get inside the courtyard look around for a thick white line that's been painted on the pavement and go and plonk yourself on top of that, ideally at the end furthest from the horseboxes, just before it bends round (where those three people are standing in the picture). That will be the front line of the crowd, and all of the action will take place in front of the wooden gate off to the right.
There's always a Foot Guard stationed outside that gate so you'll be standing there staring at him for thirty minutes which is a bit awkward. I probably look a right old mess and he looks like he's been polished from top to toe. I can see my face in his shoes from thirty feet away. Every now and then he stamps his feet like he's trying to shake off some snow and marches a few paces back and forth. That's when I decide to bend my knees to stop them seizing up. It's almost like we're on parade together.
Photo: londondrum.comIt's 3.45 PM now and the white line is starting to fill up so you don't want to arrive any later than this. Five minutes later it's four or five people deep all the way along, so if turn up after 3.50 PM then you've definitely messed up. The machine gun coppers have started marshalling everyone away from the centre and are pushing them back behind the white line when all of a sudden the Foot Guard behind us lets out an almighty roar, "MAKE WAY FOR THE KING'S GUARD!"
Photo: londondrum.comTo say we jumped would be an understatement. We jumped out of the way like a bus was coming up behind. He takes his position in front of the painted line and then the horses trot around from the boxes and line up to the right. At 3.55 PM they're joined by a line of seven Foot Guards who march out of the gate.
Now we have to wait. We're all waiting for the clock up on the tower to strike the hour. The horses are occasionally braying and shaking their manes while the soldiers daren't even blink. Silence. Total silence. It's surprising how quiet it can be when you're only fifty feet from the road.
Photo: londondrum.comI think there are several levels of silence. When people stop talking it's silent. But when they stop moving as well then it's silence. That's the level we're at right now. The planes have halted overhead. The clouds have frozen in the sky and the crowd is closing in... and we're waiting for the clock to count down the final five minutes.
Daily inspection at 4 o'clock
At 4 PM the soldiers all suddenly stand to attention as a smart officer comes storming out of the gate with his big boots making a metallic slapping sound on the concrete. Then he goes down the line of Foot Guards inspecting their hats and haircuts and the shine of their shoes, etc., and checking whether they've all blown their noses this morning.
Photo: londondrum.comHe's basically making sure that they all look respectable, looking for creases in their clothes, picking off stray hairs and wiping away thumb smudges from their gleaming helmets. He reminds me of those playground mums who spit on a tissue to wipe away spots of chocolate from their little kid's cheeks. Once he's happy he orders the soldiers to sheath their swords and they march inside the gate.
Photo: londondrum.comThen he turns his attention to the horses and walks around them as well, looking them up and down like he's inspecting a secondhand car that he's thinking about buying. Then he orders their riders to dismount and horror of horrors -- turn away snowflakes! -- they slap the horses so hard it draws an audible gasp from the crowd.
I'm guessing the horses hardly felt a thing because their necks are thicker than tree trunks, but it certainly pained the animal lovers in the crowd. Apparently the slap is to prepare the horses to take the rider's full weight on one side of the stirrups.
Photo: londondrum.comOnce the horses have disappeared back inside the ceremony is over. The business bit of it only lasted from 3.50 PM to 4.05 PM so it was very quick. I'm not suggesting that it's the best parade in London but it does have two very big advantages in that 1) the crowd size is tiny, and 2) you can do the whole thing in thirty minutes from start to finish, so maybe it's a good way of showing your little kids some pageantry.
Lots of tourists walk past afterwards and wonder where all the horses have gone because they were hoping to take a photo on their phones -- now you know. They're all tucked up in bed. You just get two dismounted cavalrymen from 4.05 PM to 8 PM, after which they shut the gate and reduce it down to one. The gate then re-opens again at 7 AM.
If you enjoy Horse Guards then you might like to visit Downing Street (you can walk it in less than 3 mins) and Parliament Square (you can walk it in 6 mins). The best daily parades are at Buckingham Palace and Horse Guards. The ceremony at St. James's Palace might be worth a try if you want one with a smaller crowd. You can learn some more about the soldiers themselves at the Guards' Museum and Household Cavalry Museum
If you want to watch some pomp and pageantry without the crowds, or you've got a little kid who can't stand around for an hour without needing a wee, then how about the Dismounting Ceremony? It takes place every day at 4 PM for 15 mins in the Horse Guards courtyard on Whitehall pic.twitter.com/wd1BpvYJs4
— This is London (@londondrum) December 3, 2024
