If you’ve been to the Tower of London then you’ve probably seen the spot where Henry VIII beheaded his enemies on Tower Green. You might even have seen inside the chapel where he buried all of their headless bodies. But what happened to all of the non-Royal traitors? Plenty of lesser celebrities got sentenced to death as well, but they weren’t allowed inside the grounds of the Royal palace. Their final goodbyes took place over the road on Tower Hill. (If they were a total nobody like you and me then they would have been hanged at Tyburn instead, near modern day Marble Arch.)
What you have to do is walk around to the north-side of the Tower and cross over the main road to Trinity Square Gardens (to the west of Tower Hill station). It’s only a little piece of green – which is probably why most people never bother to visit it – but have a look around and you’ll find a plaque on the floor which lists the names of all the traitors. I’d tell you where it is but I think half the fun is in trying to find it – it’s only a small little area so it shouldn’t take you more than a few minutes.
The execution site
Tower Hill doesn’t look like much these days and it’s difficult to imagine how scary it must have been five hundred years ago – but you’ve got to try and picture it without all the busy roads and concrete buildings behind. In those days it was just a chopping block and gallows looking down upon the Tower. You’d be dragged up here and thousands of people would be crowding around for their bit of Saturday afternoon entertainment. They even had people walking around selling cups of nuts and fruit like they sell popcorn and Smarties at the cinema.
I’m not sure that I’d want to die by hanging. When I die I want it to be fun. I have given this a lot of thought and I’ve decided that it must involve a boom followed by glitter. One minute we will be chatting quite happily and then I’ll say something like “hang on a minute, I don’t feel very well” and then – KABOOM! I will vanish in a shower of silver glitter and you’ll be sitting there covered in the stuff wondering what the hell had just happened.
My reasoning for this is that God doesn’t want people turning up at his front door with shattered skulls with big bullet holes blown out of them – he would much rather see some shiny happy people covered in glitter. It’s all about first impressions, isn’t it – you don’t want to turn up at the Pearly Gates all covered in blood because he won’t let you in. So I am going to arrive all sparkly – that is my tip for you. (That is probably the most useful tip in this book.) Just think how difficult it is to get past a pub bouncer when you’ve got ripped jeans and a t-shirt on – the Pearly Gates are going to be ten times as hard, so we need to look ten times as smart.
All Hallows-by-the Tower church
Apart from the little plaque on the floor there’s not a lot else to see. A lot of the bodies were transferred over the road to All Hallows-by-the-Tower before being carted off elsewhere for interment, so there aren’t even any graves nearby.
What always amazes me about places like Tower Hill is the way that London does its best to downplay them. For a lot of big cities this would be their absolute highlight, but we’ve got so much history in this town that we don’t need to draw attention to it.
“You want to go and see where Thomas More, Thomas Cromwell and the Earl of Essex were killed? Oh yeah, okay… it’s over there behind the traffic lights. Good luck trying to find it.”
If you enjoy this then try All Hallows by the Tower (you can walk it in less than 2 mins) and Tower of London (you can walk it in less than 2 mins). The other famous execution site in London was called Tyburn, near modern-day Marble Arch
