I hate heights but I’ve paid my money now so I suppose I’ll have to do it. My problem is that I always think I’ve picked the exact day when the building is going to fall down around me, but surely if it was going to collapse then it would have done that years ago, when it first opened, right? Because we build things to last in Britain. Look at St. Paul’s Cathedral as an example… the Germans dropped some bombs on that but Christopher Wren built it to be bomb proof – and they hadn’t even invented bombs back then. That is how totally amazing British builders are. So the odds of this falling down today are probably less than 1%.
Okay… now that I have totally and utterly convinced myself that it is 100% safe (or 99% safe) I am heading into the very posh reception area. It’s all polished glass, polished metal, polished shoes and polished teeth in here and it almost looks like a nightclub. It’s all neon lights, spotlights and movie music on the speakers. It’s how I imagine a space station of the future to be. Soon they’ll be sending space shuttles to the moon and this is where we’ll be boarding them. It certainly does get you in the mood for an adventure. Then they point you to the lift and that’s when the terror begins…
If I told you that this lift travelled faster than the speed of sound then I wouldn’t be very far off the mark. I swear to God that if the brakes weren’t working then this lift could probably launch you into orbit. If a suicidal bloke jumped off the top of the building then I reckon you could ride the lift all the way down to the ground and catch him – that is how fast it goes. Before the lift attendant had even had time to shut the door we were already at level 32. If it wasn’t for the fact that my ears had popped then I would have sworn we hadn’t moved at all. Your ears will definitely pop. Your eyes might pop as well. If something is poppable then it will probably pop. At level 32 you have to get out and enter a second lift to level 68. Then you have to walk up a short flight of stairs to level 69 and step out into the sky.
View of London from the top of The Shard
The view is just… insane. It’s not unlike flying over London in a plane, but because I’m such a wuss with heights it takes me five minutes to steady myself before I can even approach the window. I have to stand at the wall like an idiot until I work up the guts to get close to the glass.
Luckily the building doesn’t sway about like the pods on the London Eye. It feels pretty solid and well built, but there are definitely moments when I think the floor is moving but I suppose it’s possible that’s just my jelly legs wobbling underneath me. I think the odds of it falling over are pretty slim, but you never know.
Once I finally make it to the window the buildings that I already know are high, like the tall chimney of the Tate Modern, just look like building blocks beneath me. I remember when I went to St. Paul’s Cathedral the other day I chickened out of climbing to the very top because the level below was already too high for my bladder. But up here it just looks like a tiny toy building miles below me!
There is absolutely nothing that comes close to your height. Usually when you climb up a tall building there are lots of neighbouring buildings that are partly obscured by office blocks, but up here you can literally see the whole of London. The horizon is so far away that it blurs into the sky like a smudge. Distant hills are drained of colour and fade away to nothing. You can see miles and miles of train tracks snaking their way from Waterloo all the way up to Greenwich, and you can stand here watch the carriages meandering up their muddy brown train-trails to a distant station outside the city. Cars are just dust. People are practically invisible – they are all too small to see.
If you know your geography then you can pick out the suburbs and the bend of the river past the Isle of Dogs. You can follow the Thames all the way past Docklands, the Thames Barrier, and a fair distance towards the sea.
The open-air viewing level
If you’re feeling brave then you walk up another few flights of stairs to the open-air level at 72. I had visions of me being blown over the edge by a force ten gale up here, like a crisp packet in the wind, but it’s actually quite pleasant. The glass walls are all taller than you so it’s not possible to stick your head over the edge and look down, but I wouldn’t recommend doing that anyway because the first things to go would be your teeth, quickly followed by your eyeballs as the hurricane-strength wind spaghettified your face. The scariest thing is when a plane flies nearby and you can hear the roar of the engines.
So is it worth a visit? Definitely. It’s easily the best viewing platform in London. If you’re scared of heights then bear in mind that I’m not a big fan either, and I handled it perfectly okay.
If you enjoy this then try ArcelorMittal Orbit (take a tube journey from London Bridge to Stratford); Cable Car (travel from London Bridge to North Greenwich via tube); London Eye (walk it in 30 mins or travel from London Bridge to Waterloo by tube) and Sky Garden (you can walk it 10 mins). You might like to read my review of my stay at the 5-star Shangri-La Hotel at The Shard as well
