I climbed my first hill when I was six (six or seven, something like that). Every hill I ascended before that was either on my dad’s back or in the back of a sputtering car, but then my parents took me on a fun day out to Box Hill which turned out to be not so much fun. I only had little legs, little feet, a pair of flimsy plimsoles, and when I got to the top there was nothing to see. Just the tops of trees as far as the eye could see. So nowadays if I climb a hill then it has to be worthwhile. If I’m going to end up sitting on the soaking grass hyperventilating for five minutes then I want to see a sunset, shooting stars, fireworks, rainbows, the edge of the world, or a decent view of London’s skyline.
View from Greenwich Hill
There are three hills worth climbing in London: Parliament Hill, Primrose Hill and Greenwich Hill, and this one has definitely got the best view because it’s a proper hill. You can tell it’s a proper hill because they’ve built an observatory on top of it. That red brick building is where the Astronomer Royal used to live in the days of Charles II. When Christopher Wren was busy building St. Paul’s he was also doing some work on that – but I’ll be describing all of that in my review of the Royal Observatory. Let’s just stand at the bottom of the hill and admire the view for five minutes. Or ten minutes. Take as long as you like because this walk will definitely knacker you out.
It doesn’t look like very high when you’re standing at the bottom of the slope but trust me, this hill is very steep. You might want to give Tenzing Norgay a quick ring to see if he’s free first because there’s no cable car to the top, no Snowdon stream train. Can you see that tarred path up the front? It’s probably full of tired people bent over double, hauling themselves up hand over hand, using the barrier like a rope, palms pressed against the top of their thighs while they take a two-minute breather. It’s one step at a time up there. One puff at a time. That’s the easiest way to climb it.
But if you’re more adventurous then you can walk straight up the grass ski-slope (they sometimes barricade it off to stop people slipping down it). Just keep your eyes fixed on that statue of General Wolfe and don’t stop till you see the hot dog sausage stand on the summit. That sausage stand is your reward for doing some exercise.
They cook their burgers and sausages from scratch up here so you’ll have to lean against a tree while it sizzles on the grill. I’ve got the smell of cooking burgers and an old David Niven-type geezer blowing smoke from a cigarillo cigar. The conkers are dropping off the trees and landing on the car bonnets and picnic tables all around us.
View of London’s skyline
The view is pretty great, even on a foggy autumn morning. You can usually see The City skyscrapers but it’s all lost in a whitewash today. All I’ve got is the long drop down to Queen’s House and the Old Royal Naval College, plus the concrete forest of Canary Wharf behind. I can see the wooden masts of the Cutty Sark and the mustard-coloured struts of the O2 Arena but that’s about it, the fog has erased the rest, wiped it all out like a giant mistake. London has gone. There are a few white streaks in the sky and a few white wakes in the water as a boat lines up with the pier but it’s far away to hear. It’s as if you’re spying on the world from a distance. Everything looks like a fudged photo, a frozen photo that doesn’t move.
I always like to give a list of London landmarks to give you a test… see if you can spot the BT Tower and Tower Bridge. If you manage to spot Tower Bridge without looking at the plaque then very well done because it’s nowhere near where you think it should be. The hardest one of all is the London Eye. You might have to use the observatory telescope to see that one.
If you enjoy this then try Parliament Hill (travel from Cutty Sark to Hampstead by underground) and Primrose Hill (take a tube journey from Cutty Sark to St Johns Wood). Whilst you’re at the top of Greenwich Hill you might like to visit the Royal Observatory
