I always think of Hyde Park as stretching all the way from Park Lane to Kensington Palace but it actually ends at the Serpentine. Anything west of that is called Kensington Gardens. People come here to watch the birds, walk their dogs around the lake and sit on the benches. When you’ve got knees like mine the friendly benches act like medical stations on a marathon. Ten years ago I could probably do a lap of the lake in twenty minutes but it’s more like an hour now because I stop off for a coffee at each of the three cafes. It’s a bit like a pub-crawl for middle-aged people.
Peter Pan statue & Princess Diana Memorial Playground
See if you can find the statue of Peter Pan on the western edge of the lake. The author JM Barrie only lived over the road and shortly after publication he decided to sneak up a statue during the night so the kids would think it appeared as if by magic. Nowadays you can even hear it talking. (You’ll need a smartphone to hear the message.)
If you have a little kid then you might want to stop off at the Princess Diana Memorial Playground as well. Everybody knows that Diana loved children, but not a lot of people know that she was also a huge fan of pirates – hence the big pirate ship in the middle of it. I’d love to be able to show you a photo of it but there’s no way I’m standing there taking photographs of a children’s playground because I’ll probably get arrested. Check out the famous Elfin Oak as well – someone carved a lot of fairies and colourful butterflies into it.
The rest of the lake is lined with the benches of death (that’s what I like to call the seats with brass memorial plaques on them). They’re like a row of tombstones by the water. Judging by the inscriptions I’m guessing that most of them are devoted to dogs because they say things like “To Harvey, a great companion – 1986 to 1999”.
The Round Pond
To the west of the lake is one of the coldest places on Earth – the Round Pond. If you want to know what it feels like to be a crisp packet in the wind then have a walk around here on a cold November morning. I can see people leaning 45 degrees into the wind with their coat-tails pressed out behind them like a flat flag in a hurricane.
People are holding onto their hats so they don’t spiral up into the sky. Other ones are holding onto their heads lest they get ripped off their necks. Another guy is trying to take a photo of his missus feeding Pringles to the ducks and her hair is going crazy in the gale. She’s got one hand trying to tamp it down whilst the birds are beating wings around her feet.
Albert Memorial & Royal Albert Hall
There are a couple of sights worth seeing along the south-side of the park. The first one is the incredibly ornate memorial to Prince Albert. When you first clap eyes on this think you’ll think it was built to honour God – even Queen Victoria didn’t get a monument as grand as this.
And the other one is the Royal Albert Hall directly over the road. The field in front is rather crowded today because a local school has decided to hold their school sports day on the grass, and it’s just about the most health and safety conscious event I have ever witnessed. Every kid is wearing a fluorescent yellow bib and is being escorted over the obstacles by the adults, who are holding their hands as they hop over the ankle-high hurdles. If I was in charge then I’d make them leap over barbed wire fences and fire machine gun blanks over their heads to simulate battlefield conditions – these kids need to toughen up a bit! And I wouldn’t clap the losers over the line either – I’d throw cabbages at them and make them run another lap around the lake. That’s what they used to do at my school and it didn’t do me any harm.
Kensington Palace
At the far end of the park is Kensington Palace. This is where William III and Mary lived after the Glorious Revolution, and where Queen Victoria stayed whilst she was still a princess. These days most of us associate it with Princess Diana instead and it’s currently home to Prince William and Kate. Unfortunately their private apartments are all hidden round the back so you’ll never see them from the park – the big windows that you can see at the front are the old State apartments of Queen Victoria and Albert.
You can’t go inside the palace without paying but you can have a quick little walk across the front face (past the cafe) where you’ll find a sunken garden up the steps.
If you enjoy this then try Hyde Park (walk it in 16 mins or travel from Queensway to Marble Arch by underground); Regent’s Park (take a tube journey from Queensway to Regents Park) and St. James’s Park (take a tube journey from Queensway to St Jamess Park). Whilst you’re walking around Kensington Gardens you can visit Kensington Palace, the Albert Memorial and the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain
