The King and Queen must dread the Summer Opening – it’s a bit like having a million in-laws come round your house at Christmas. But they’ve got a big advantage over the hoi polloi because when we takeover their home they’re already halfway up the M1 for two months in Balmoral. If you’re hoping to surprise them then forget it – they’re 400 miles away in Scotland. They’ve gone. They’re outta here!
Photo: londondrum.comIf you buy your ticket in advance then you can choose an arrival time and bypass the first gate (I definitely recommend doing that). If you take your chances on the day then you’ll have to join the back of a lengthy line that wraps around the railings and listen to the smartly-dressed staff all doing their best to direct the guests into the correct paddock. “Entry gate A B C, pre-booked tickets over there ma’am, timed entry pay on the day, this one’s just for groups, sir!”
Once you make it into the tented waiting zone you’ll start to feel like a lemonade bottle on one of those factory labelling machines, being bumped down a conveyor belt past all the robotic hands and scanners. They make you take your belt off, put your phone and coat and keys through an airport x-ray machine, then wave a 22nd century tri-corder over your bones while you hold your arms out like a tree. If you’ve got any outstanding parking tickets or overdue library books then you may as well forget it because security is super tight – they probably even frisk the King.
Inside the State Rooms: Grand Hall & Throne Room
Photo: getyourguide.co.ukEventually you’ll make it into the Quadrangle and head up the steps to the Grand Hall. When you step through the Throne Room’s double-doors Handel’s Coronation Anthem will pipe up on your headphones and immediately give you goosebumps. Changing the Guard was happening across the forecourt this morning so all of their military music was drifting in through the open window and I had bombastic anthems coming at me from two different directions – if the King had paraded in at that exact moment then I would have bowed down and pledged my allegiance, no doubt about it.
They always have a little exhibition in here which this year included the official family photo taken straight after the King’s Coronation. In previous years I’ve seen a few tables laid out with the country’s top gongs and military medals. After having a good look around I decided I wanted a CBE or an Order of Merit, but if they’d run out of those then I would have settled for a knighthood or fifty quid’s worth of book vouchers (I’m not fussy).
You need to prepare yourself for the crowd because all of these rooms will be absolutely packed full of people – maybe fifty to a hundred people per room – all busy swiping the screens on their audioguide to bring up a few photos and listen to the commentary. Unfortunately they only provide about two minutes talking for each location because they need to keep the flow going, so it can start to feel like you’re being herded through the rooms on a conveyor belt of carpet.
Royal Collection paintings in the Picture Gallery
The Picture Gallery is where they keep the cream of the Royal Collection with a wall full of Canaletto’s and Old Masters by Rembrandt, Rubens, Van Dyck and Vermeer. It’s like the best of the National Gallery condensed down into a single room.
After that comes the East Gallery with its paintings of Queen Victoria on her coronation day.
Royal exhibition in the Ballroom & State Dining Room
The main exhibition always begins in the big Ballroom where they hold the State dinners and investitures. It’s always something pretty spectacular and this year they had the King and Queen’s Coronation gowns on display. In previous years I’ve seen everything from Faberge eggs and diamond tiaras to Meghan and Kate’s wedding gowns.
There’s usually another little exhibition in the State Dining Room straight after. The best one I’ve seen was a display case of gifts donated by visiting Heads of State. They seem to receive a lot of porcelain plates so don’t buy them any crockery for Christmas for chrissakes, because they’ve got cupboards of the stuff.
Photo: getyourguide.co.ukMusic Room, White Drawing Room & King’s private apartments
Then it’s through the Music Room where they traditionally christen the babies and the spectacular White Drawing Room with its famous Table of the Great Commanders, once owned by Napoleon.
Photo: redletterdays.co.ukThey really should hand out some sunglasses as you enter here because it looks like the centre of the sun with its garish gold and crystal chandelier hanging ten feet off the ceiling. It reminds me of one of those nuclear fusion chambers where scientists are trying to create a star.
This room is also where you’ll discover a secret door in the corner… a mirrored table which swings open to reveal the King emerging from his private apartments – surprise!
Marble Hall, Bow Room & Garden veranda cafe
Photo: londondrum.comThe last part of the tour takes you past the statues and sculptures in the Marble Hall and then you walk through the Bow Room onto the veranda out the back, where the large garden party lawn is laid out before you.
Photo: londondrum.comThe veranda might be my favourite part of the day because you can buy yourself a cup of Earl Grey tea in the restaurant (I know it tastes like perfume but it’s what the King drinks so you’re having some – no arguing!). Treat yourself to a cucumber sandwich as well. They cut the crusts off and slice them up into triangles here. All of the food seems to come with half a strawberry on top and a sprig of greenery that nobody knows if they can eat.
Garden Highlights Tour
You always get to see a small part of the garden as you walk towards the exit, but they send you round the back of the lake down a pathway full of pine cones and pine needles. If you want to see the beautiful flowerbeds then you have to stump up a supplement for the Garden Highlights Tour.
Photo: londondrum.comMy garden guide today was was a very friendly fella with a posh persona and a side sauce of camp – exactly the right kind of colourful character you’d want leading you round a palace residence. Most of his talk was about the shrubs and plants, telling us what genus they were, which country they originated from, which monarch planted which tree, etc., and he pointed out the King and Queen’s private apartments round the side of the building as well (you can’t actually see much, you just get a glimpse of the big windows from afar). But if you’re hoping for some British history then I would skip it because it was more about the flowers than anything else.
If you enjoy this then try Clarence House (you can walk it in 6 mins); Hampton Court Palace; Kensington Palace (travel from St James’s Park to Queensway via tube); Royal Mews (you can walk it in 4 mins) and Windsor Castle. You might like to read my reviews of the Evening tour and Changing the Guard as well. If you fancy a five-mile walk between three different palaces then try our self-guided walk around Royal London
