The first time you clap eyes on its big perimeter of unscalable walls and security staff searching everyone's handbag to see if they're carrying a bomb it will remind you of a big prison camp, but once you're inside it's a completely different story. If this place doesn't give you the Christmas spirit then nowhere will.
Christmas market & Bavarian beer hall
Everywhere you go is the seasonal sound of Bing Crosby and Perry Como and Swiss-style chalets selling knitted mittens and dangling candle holders, while warm smoke and aromas float over from the wood-burning fires -- they've got those fire-filled dustbins making campfire crackling sounds like cub camp when you were a kid.
They're selling real fairground food like hot dogs and onions, meat pies in gravy, jacket potatoes with baked beans and butter on top. I've got the smell of vinegar and chips now... roasted chestnuts... hot toffee popcorn, waffles and crepes.
Fairground rides & Rollercoasters
I forgot how loud a funfair can be. It's all blaring music and a background track of chatter and screams as the rollercoasters trip cameras that flash in your face. They've got waltzers, dodgems, carousels with silver lights and icicles, laser lights strafing the floor by your feet... one zone is dressed up like the North Pole with a huge Ice Mountain ride that has polar bears and penguins and a real live waterfall cascading down the front (real roaring water!).
Winter Wonderland ice skating rink
I was planning to have a go on at least one ride tonight but they all look too scary now. There are lots of fairground games I could try but I don’t want to win a four foot dolphin that’s too big to take home so I have a stroll past Santa’s grotto. I'd quite like to peer inside but I don’t think I can pass myself off as a five-year-old kid with my forty-year-old face, so I end up watching the ice skaters doing laps of the Hyde Park bandstand.
I think the world is split down the middle into people who are happy to give ice skating a go and those who prefer to just lean on the side watching everybody else fall over, and I'm definitely the latter.
When I make my run for London Mayor I'm going to make sure this place stays open all year round to cheer us all up.
A word of warning about the queues on Friday and Saturday night: I walked past at 4 PM and there were probably about a thousand people lined up for the bag search -- and that's not an exaggeration. It probably took them over thirty minutes just to get through the gate.
Kensington Gardens (walk it in 16 mins or catch a tube from Marble Arch to Queensway), Regent’s Park (Marble Arch to Regents Park) and St. James’s Park (walk it in 28 mins or Marble Arch to St Jamess Park). You might like to take your kids to an outdoor ice rink as well, or have a walk around the Christmas lights
If you enjoy Hyde Park then you might like to visit