How do you fancy spending a few hours walking around an old people’s home? I thought not. But this place is a lot better than it sounds because this is the Royal Hospital in Chelsea, one of Christopher Wren’s best buildings. The Royal Hospital is where the famous Chelsea Pensioners live, who you might have seen shaking their money tins down Whitehall on Remembrance Sunday, looking like they’ve just come home from a Napoleonic War.
I’m not sure what they had to do to qualify for a retirement room in this place but I’m guessing that it must have been pretty spectacular. They wouldn’t get in just because they’re good at bingo, that is for sure. They probably had to have a distinguished army career and plenty of medals on their chest.
The main gate is along the Royal Hospital Road and once you get inside you’re pretty much on your own. There’s no leaflet or map or anything like that, and you can walk around at your own leisure. So what you need to do first is walk along the main facade towards the right. Head through that big central porch and you’ll find a large wooden door on either side.
Christopher Wren’s chapel
These are the two rooms that everyone comes to see. One side is the chapel, and the other side is the Great Hall. Apart from the little museum and shop these are pretty much the only rooms you’re allowed to enter, but if you explore all of the gardens and grounds as well then there’s more than enough to fill up ninety minutes.
The chapel is nice enough but it’s not going to knock your socks off. Christopher Wren had already built fifty City churches by this time so he was probably sick of them by now. The thing that always impresses me the most about old churches is the silence, and I hope you’re sitting here in the dark, with the rain beating on the windows. It’s a little bit too bright and white for me, but it’s still worth a visit.
The Great Hall
The Great Hall was where the Duke of Wellington was laid in State but they use it as a big dining hall now, and the kitchen staff were still tidying up the tabletops when I went. The tables are decorated with deep green lampshades and the chunkiest knives and forks I have ever seen in my life. Judging by the bowls of croutons on the table I’m guessing this isn’t the kind of place that serves up cornflakes and coffee for breakfast. It’s more like salmon pate and a pile-high plate of bacon and eggs.
It reminded me a little bit of the dining hall at my old school because they had a big list of ex-headmasters and school captains to inspire the pupils, and this place has old oil paintings of dead generals glaring down at you from the side, with big boards full of the battles they fought.
Now head out the other door and into the three-sided courtyard and colonnade. This is very reminiscent of Kensington Palace because it uses the same style of red and brown bricks that Wren used over there. There’s also a rather bizarre statue of Charles II all gilded over in gold. He’s dressed himself up like a Roman emperor, complete with a short skirt and laurel leaves. I’ve never seen a British king look like that before… he looks like he’s off to a fancy dress party.
The Chelsea Pensioners
As you’re walking around the grounds you can’t help but bump into a few of the Pensioners because this is, after all, where they live. I know it sounds stupid but I wasn’t really expecting them to be proper OAPs – I don’t know why. But they’re all shuffling around with walking sticks and mobility scooters and it’s hard to imagine them running around with guns and grenades during World War II but that’s what they did, wasn’t it? They might look cute in their buttoned-up tunics but these aren’t your everyday grandads – these are grandads of war. Fighting grandads. Grandads that blew up tanks and parachuted in behind enemy lines.
You can tell straight away that they’re ex-army by the way they talk and hold themselves. It’s almost like they’re still in the forces… still living the dream… still waiting for the Queen to call them up again. And like a lot of old people once they start talking you can’t shut them up because they’re so polite and friendly that you just have to stand there and listen until they chat themselves out. They have so many stories to tell that I recommend bringing an extra pair of ears with you.
Your final stop will be in the museum and shop. The museum is just a tiny little affair filled with medals and military uniforms. The best exhibit is a mock-up of their bedroom which is about the same size as a prison cell. It’s almost like a dorm room at university. But it’s very nice and cozy and comfortable and I would be quite happy to live in it.
If you enjoy this then try Guards’ Museum (walk it in 26 mins or travel from Sloane Square to St Jamess Park via tube); Household Cavalry Museum (catch a tube from Sloane Square to Westminster) and National Army Museum (you can walk it in less than 3 mins). Charterhouse is another impressive home for old folk, and Christopher Wren originally built the Old Royal Naval College for injured seamen
